This is an article I’ve been kicking around for a while and my friends have been nagging me to write something for the blog so I thought I’d drag this topic out and dust it off.
Romance In RP
Now before you start to point and snicker, muttering about “cyborz”, notice the title is ROMANCE, not ERP. That is another topic for another day. Romance can cover a wide range of emotional depth from the friends that exchange flowers on occasion to full fledged lovers or marrieds. Role playing romance DOES NOT mean cyber just like reading a book that has romantic elements does not mean reading porn.
The Good
If you choose to involve your character in romantic relationships it can bring in another level of role play that is interesting and a good development tool for the character. It can also bring pleasant interaction and memories for both the character and the player to counteract the war-stricken and depressing world they live in. It’s a way to see that even in such terrible times, life does go on. There is hope and there are things to take joy in. Emotional beings (whether they are human, dwarf, tauren, orc or whatever) need that. If a mind is constantly bombarded with the awful with no respite, eventually it will break down.
The Bad
Sometimes RP romance can be taken too far; too seriously. Always always always remember IT IS RP. IT IS NOT REAL. I have seen people who’s characters are involved in romantic RP begin to believe that it is an actual relationship and when one of those involved plays another character or spends time with other friends, the other gets jealous or angry. These are pixilated images inside a box of computer parts. They are not real flesh, bone or emotion. They are story characters that we play with and read about but do not really exist. Do not fall into the trap of thinking they do.
The Ugly
I have seen RP romances turn sour and because one party or both have taken it too seriously, when the RP romance fails, it destroys the friendship between the players. I have also seen it go so far as to fracture guilds. Bands of friends choosing sides because one or two people pushed it too far. Truly a sad affair and one that should NEVER be allowed to happen in RP.
Rules For Romance In RP
While this list may not be all inclusive, I will try to provide at least a beginner’s guide for those looking to involve their character in RP romance. Much of this may seem like common sense but perhaps, for some, reading it will drive it home and give pause before the ugly rears its head.
1 – The most important! If you forget everything else, do not forget this! – RP Romance is not real. It is an interactive story development. Nothing more.
2 – The character your character is involved with has a player behind it too. This player usually has other obligations such as real life, other friends, guild members, other characters that they want to play as well. Don’t try to monopolize their time.
3 – Don’t let your time be monopolized either. If you have other things you wish to do, be sure the other player understands this as well.
4 – RP romance is not a stepping stone into exclusive guilds or raids. Don’t expect the other player to be able to shoehorn you into one just because the characters are involved romantically.
5 – “Intimate” role play should be decided on in advance by both parties. Set your boundaries and stick to them, or be respectful of the other person’s boundaries as well. Romantic RP can be just as rewarding without ERP.
6 – Make sure all boundaries and limitations are clear and understood. Do you only have time once a week to dedicate to RP? Do you have another character that you want to spend time on as well? Do you want to be able to spend time leveling as well as role playing? Make sure it is all clear.
7 – If something comes up that is going to keep you away from contact for a while, let the other person know. Heck, let all your friends that you play with know! They’re your friends. If you just disappear without a word they worry about you.
8 – The other player likely has other characters that they want to play too. These other characters may become, or already be involved, romantically with characters that are not yours. This is acceptable. Do not get jealous or snippy because the player wants to spend time with other friends too. This comes back to both #1 and #2.
Making It Work
Now there are many factors that play into whether romance can be feasible. First off, it is not likely the characters are going to be able to spend as much actual time together as a couple might in real life and trying to do that will cause issues of its own. However there are still ways to have the characters “be together” in down times that will fit with the RP and won’t leave anyone feeling pressured.
The Power of Assumption
“It can be assumed…” That statement can lead to any number of useful RP short cuts. In this case it can be used to establish time spent together doing more mundane things. Sharing meals, sleeping together, fishing, etc. If you have characters that are regular lovers, for example, just because the players are not in game at the same time every day or are even out for several days at a time, doesn’t mean the characters are not spending time together. Likely they would find a way to at least spend the night together more than once a week, if that is their inclination. Discuss this with the other player so that it can be established for the characters and help ease the burden of feeling obligated to spend every available moment in game together.
Combining Objectives
Are you questing in similar areas? Level ranges? Have the same instances you need to hit? So make them into a RP session. Grab a group of like-minded individuals for that instance and RP as you go. Run around the countryside with your RP muffin and complete quests while engaging in conversation and the occasional stolen kiss. Be creative. RP doesn’t always have to be just sitting in a bar in Stormwind. You can RP and accomplish other tasks as well.
Schedule It
Set up a time or day that you and your RP partner are scheduled to hang out together in game. That way neither of you gets lost in the shuffle. Maybe every Wednesday you meet for RP dinner at the Blue Recluse. Perhaps Friday is the night that you both have set aside to kill monsters. Be creative and keep it interesting. Maybe all you want to do is sit in a chair and talk all night. That’s good too. By scheduling a day/time to do it then you avoid the hit or miss of scheduling differences.
Write It
A great deal of story can be created and told through written RP. Most guilds associated with RP have a place for storytelling. By creating a written story coinciding with the in-game RP, there is a great deal more information and development of character that can be accomplished. So you’re not the greatest writer in the world. How will you get better if you don’t practice? Use your spellchecker and your grammar checker and then learn as you go. Share the story as it grows and give it the details that we cannot see or experience in game. It’s a great way to tie everything together when actual play time is limited.
As with anything, communication and respect are very important when involving your character in RP Romance. Have fun with it. Be creative. But always remember, it is just RP.
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These are great tips. Thanks for sharing. I have a few characters on a RP server, but I have yet to truly delve into the RP aspect of it. It’s a little daunting. They have “city” clothes, for when they’re not questing, and they don’t need the armor. But that’s about as far as I’ve gotten. I admit I haven’t joined any guilds yet, worried that I’ll not fit in the heavy RP atmosphere. Your articles help me, tho. Please keep them coming!
PS- Any more fashion ones coming? I really liked the tauren one. It inspired me to have my “city clothes” (i.e. not the mismatched hodgepodge armor I normally wear when questing).
First off, don’t be daunted! There are many guilds out there that are RP Light and are more than willing to have someone along for their company. Do some research, meet some folks. Roleplayers are generally more accepting that people think.
I do have more plans for fasion articles but my model viewer is rather borked atm. I’m trying to get my hands on a functional one because pictures make fashion articles so much more interesting!
Great tips but Yvelle do not be daunted or fearful of heavy rp guilds. Most of them are not as scary as you thing (might not sound right but those who are like me and shy away from the Heavy rp guilds will understand)
Being IC all the time in a guild can be scary but there are always ways around it. and many even though they belong to a heavy rp guild are as fearful as your are about the idea.
My only advice is something I wish I my self had taken. Be your self. When making a character you wish to heavily rp, that character stops becoming just that. Add some of your self to it, by poring some of your heart and soul into the character you give him or her life and many of those that rp dont do that and will thank you for doing so. In the game I play my main character whom to me is a digital version of myself is well known because of that reason. To interact with my character is really interacting with me.( (though I to “play for fun” its only a game after all)) And besides if you play as your self it makes it little easier.
One thing I was hoping to see was something about RP Romances that are made into a bigger public spectacle than they really need to be. Meaning couples who are ALWAYS having to hold hands, rub cheeks or legs, resting heads against, and generally having as much physical/emotional contact in each emote as possible. I find it hard to get the will to even say hello when it looks like they would much rather be alone for a few hours to ‘work out the kinks’ like teenagers who just found out about their favored gender.
Perhaps there may be an article reminding RPers that they aren’t alone in the world, and not everybody wants to be reminded every five minutes that they’re so madly in love, such a devoted slave, such a great and wonderful whatever. It certainly can’t be said enough times about everything being done in moderation; whether it’s trauma in the character history or the current story line when it’s brought out for public viewing.